Healing Blog

| posted by TransformHeal

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It can take years to make your home a place that is sacred, a place of safety, nurturing and warm; a place of integrity and compassion filled with laughter and humor. 

It’s Not About Money or Things

My home is now a place I can melt into, soften and be vulnerable.  You can make your home a sacred space too.  It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor or if your home is big or small.  It is about how you treat yourself in this space and how others are treated. It is about the values you and others in your home uphold.

Ask yourself two questions:  “What kind of home do I want my family to grow up in?  What kind of home do I want to live in?”

Huge AHA moments

Some things that led me to convert our home into a sacred place: 

• Hearing my parent’s negative words come out of me.
• Making excuses for fits of rage by others.
• Ever letting my children feel afraid in thier home.
• Expecting others to read my mind and then getting angry when they did not.

Home Rules

I will never forget the look on my family’s face when announced at dinner that our house was now the “No Blame Zone.”  We were all going to start taking responsibility for our actions or in-actions.  We were about to set boundaries, and ensure the same rules apply to all. Their jaws dropped.  Their eyes became large.  And, I heard very clearly:  “Uh oh!”

Getting started – envision your home as your sacred space

1. What should it look like?
2. What should it smell like?
3. What should it feel like?
4. What is important for you to have in your home?
5. Lots of light?  Music?  Animals?  Guests?
6. What behavior do you want to encourage?
7. What behavior has no place in your home?
8. What do you want people to feel when they walk into your home?

In your mind, what makes this – your family’s home.

Sometimes you need to start with what you do not want: violence, clutter, yelling, waste… Then move onto what you do want: compassion, laughter, music, books, singing, art…

Project Family

Get the family together. First, have everyone  create an art collage that expresses what their ideal home means to them.  It’s about how it feels, smells, looks, and sounds. What do they love now, and what would they change about how the home is run, how people act, how joy is created and anger/frustration is handled.  What room do they like the best?  Why?

They can create the piece with magazine clippings, markers, paint, pencils, whatever they find comfortable. Watch the magic happen as the home environment  that you and your family wants to create, comes alive in front of your eyes.  When you are done, have each person explain their art project. This is not a time to argue over the relative merits, simply listen to one another. It is not  bitch and blame session.

Incubate

Hang these up in the kitchen or another room that you are all together as a family often. Let them stew in your subconscience for a several days.

Begin the transformation

Get together as a family again. Ask everyone the following:

1. Do new rules need to be created based on these pictures?
2. What part does each person in the home contribute to behaviors and values  you want? Remember children and other family members have their own space too.
3. How much are each of you willing to change to make this home that you long for, a reality?

This is the beginning of your journey.  It takes work, talking, family meetings, change and most importantly, a willingness to make your home a sacred place.

Love to you.