Healing Blog

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In this column Cynthia will answer your emotionally based and general questions about divorce. Cynthia is a life coach and energy worker who specializes in working with people considering, going through, or stuck after divorce.

Dear Cynthia:

I have been unhappy in my marriage for many years. We have been to marriage/couples’ counseling without any positive, long lasting results. I would like to learn more about the divorce process and find out about my legal rights. I don’t know where to start. Signed – Sad & Confused Partner

Dear Sad & Confused Partner:

2ndsatlogoI honor your desire to do your research before you jump into the messiness of divorce. The first thing I would do is go to the closest Second Saturday panel in your area. Second Saturday is an organization that has a panel of professionals that volunteer their time to teach you the process of divorce. The panel usually includes a divorce attorney, divorce financial adviser, therapist or life coach and Realtor. Some panels even have mediators, insurance advisers, and custody specialists. I currently speak on three panels locally and have been volunteering my time with Second Saturday for four years.

At Second Saturday you will receive a plethora of information about the divorce process. It is a place you can ask questions. Their goal is to help you so make clear decisions about your divorce. You will also find professionals on the panels that will be perfect people to hire and be on your support team during your divorce. I would recommend you go to a couple of different ones if you can – or go more than once to learn as much as you can – for a minimal cost. Knowledge is Power.
Dear Cynthia:

I am in the middle of my divorce and am very confused. I have hired an attorney that was recommended to me by a business associate. The information I am receiving from my attorney doesn’t match the advice I am getting from my family and friends who have also gotten divorced. Who do I listen to? My bills from my attorney are getting to be ridiculous. Signed – Too Much Conflicting Advice

Dear Too Much Conflicting Advice:

One of the mantras I have for my clients is to not take legal advice or look for emotional guidance from family and friends. Every divorce is unique and even though you think that your friend’s divorce is just like yours – I am sure it is not. You need to trust your attorney. Hiring your attorney is the most strategic decision that you will make. It is also a decision that is made for the wrong reasons and can be financially catastrophic.

Let’s start with some important questions: Did you interview two or three attorneys? Does your attorney appear on any of the Top Family Law lists in your local area? Does your attorney ONLY practice family law? How long have they been doing this work? Did you hire this attorney based on the fact that you liked them and they were the least expensive option? Did you hire this attorney because they would be able to strategically work with the bad habits of your soon to be ex? You said that this attorney was recommended by one business associate. Did this same name come up with anyone else you spoke with who has gotten divorced in the recent past? After answering these questions you might want to consider trusting the one you have hired or looking for another attorney. Just remember – the more you contact and question them the higher your bill become.

Family and friends tend to fuel the drama, trauma and cost of divorce. Hire a great attorney with a great reputation who has been practicing for a long time. Yes, this attorney will be more expensive per hour, but they will also get you through the process quicker and cost you less in the long run.

To ask Cynthia a question about divorce, you can email her at: cindy@transform-heal.com.

You can also email Bliss Magazine: editor@blissmagazine.net

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Tuesday, November 11, 2015 at 18:41 pm and is
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