Healing Blog

| posted by TransformHeal

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Everyone handles grief differently. Some close up or weep incessantly. Others get angry. In my years of working with people, I find that most people hold onto grief and stuff it deep inside themselves. Over time this can make them feel heavy, sad, and even lead to depression.

How do you handle death? Whether it’s death of a pet, friend, or relationship, it’s a part of life that we are never prepared for. We weren’t taught how to say Goodbye in a healthy and positive way. Some of my most rewarding work is helping people to release grief. They experience an immediate freeing feeling that comes from saying Goodbye.

Giving Back

The first part of releasing grief is giving back what we have been holding for this person. As parents we are imperfect and we pass on to our children the beliefs, concepts and ideas we didn’t do well. For example, my friend’s parents would argue loudly and consistently about money. Every time I was over and the father looked at the checkbook, there was anger and rage. I would have to excuse myself and go home. Knowing this friend many years later, she still struggles with financial responsibility. It is the same with our partners. We take on and take over the issues that they don’t do well. What do you hold for your mother, father, children, spouse, and friends?

Step #1 – Give it back. How? Journal. Make a list. Use any object to symbolize what you have been holding. If you are using an object – like stones – hold a stone and say: “Frank, I give back to you your anger and rage.”  And put the stone into the trash. Repeat this process until you can’t think of anything else to return to its rightful owner.

Saying Thank You

Each person and animal that has entered your life has given you beautiful gifts. Now is the time to thank them and show your gratitude for the positive affects they have had on you.

Step #2 – Say Thank You. How? Journal. Make a list. Use any object to symbolize your gratefulness for each blessing. If you are using an object, such as leaves, hold a leaf and say: “Frank, thank you for all of your jokes and times you made me smile.” And throw the leaf into your fireplace, grass, or back into the woods. Repeat this process until you can’t think of anything else to be thankful for.

Saying Goodbye

Step #3 – Burn, baby, Burn. If you have chosen to journal or make lists, stand tall in front of your fireplace (or outside in the driveway or by the grill) and read everything you have written out loud. Take a match and burn these pieces of paper and watch them turn to ash and be carried away from you and your life.

Step #4 – Goodbye Meditation. Sit with your feet flat on the floor, back nice and tall, and hands by your sides. Close your eyes. In your mind’s eye see the person or pet in front of you. Tell them that you love them, that you miss them, and that you know they will always be a part of you. Tell them Goodbye and see yourself walking away.

Releasing grief is a powerful healer. It will lighten your spirit. It will give you closure and honor your heart.